It’s a blah day, not a relapse.

For many mornings in a row, when the alarm goes off I think, “Why bother?” I get up because that’s what I do, not because I want to. I have nothing to get up for. And then I remember that I intentionally planned something into my day so that I will get up. Otherwise, I think I’d stay in bed all morning.

I’ve had several days of feeling “in a funk” – not really happy but not really sad either. A blah mood.

A year ago, I would have blamed all of this on the weather – the gray clouds of the upper Midwest that cover the sun for days and often bring snow and cold. But I’m in Florida now, and while it’s been unseasonably rainy, there was sunshine and even warmer temperatures today. So what’s my problem?

I think it’s because it is February. And traditionally, February has been a tough month for me. According to my old psych doc, even though it’s the shortest month of the year, it’s often the hardest emotionally. Not sure why. But perhaps I’m feeling the way I do because I’ve felt this way for the past nine Februarys. Emotional muscle memory.

It took me a few hours today to figure this out – this thing about February. I should have seen it sooner – I knew I was feeling less than good. I kept arguing with myself that the mood would simply go away, and I suspect it will, now that I’ve identified it and called it by name.

A blah day, or even a blah week, doesn’t mean relapse. It doesn’t mean depression again. It means I’m in a blah mood, and I’ll be in a blah mood for a few days, and then it will get better. To keep it from descending into depression, I’ll keep doing what I know to do – eat well, get enough sleep, exercise some, take my meds, reach out. Get up and do the day.

And if I need to take a day to stay in bed all morning, that’s ok too.

 

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15 thoughts on “It’s a blah day, not a relapse.

  1. gail burns February 8, 2016 / 11:30 am

    Blah days, or weeks happen always. Here is a thought, make the date, week, into an anniversary, celebrate it, because it means you are feeling. You also found a reason, and named it, so it is a part of you. To feel means you are alive. Naming it means you have wisdom, and a sense of reasoning. Now pat yourself on the back and remember, you have done this before and have come through it just fine. Also doesn’t hurt to say a prayer being thankful it is over.

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  2. Jennifer Deg February 3, 2016 / 8:11 pm

    Praying for you my friend. I get in my War Room (aka prayer closet) each morning to meditate on God’s word and pray. That is what I look forward to each morning. And I wouldn’t go off of what you psych. said about February (you know how I feel about psych’s). Go off of what the LORD says about it, and He says that His mercies are new EVERY morning, including each day in February! 😀 So, try focusing on what a WONDERFUL month this is going to be, and watch your perspective change. 😉 Love you sweetie! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • peggyricewi February 4, 2016 / 2:33 pm

      Thanks Jennifer. God’s Word and prayer are definitely two of my tools in the arsenal against depression. Dressing every day in the armor of God, with prayer, to stand my ground in the fight!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Jane February 3, 2016 / 9:27 am

    Said so well Peggy. And Carol above…. I can so relate to wanting that recognition for acts that go unrecognized. It’s a rollercoaster for me to remember I do what I do for the Lord. He made me to glorify Him through my service. Learning to thank Him for His grace and holy spirit working through me to accomplish His work, not mine.

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    • peggyricewi February 3, 2016 / 9:30 am

      For those of us who thrive on words of affirmation, this can be really tough. Thanks Jane and Carol.

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      • kbailey374 February 6, 2016 / 7:11 am

        Fair at the moment, struggling re food and money! It will be ok though I am sure.

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  4. Carol February 2, 2016 / 6:07 pm

    *alone* not along

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  5. Carol February 2, 2016 / 6:05 pm

    I have two blah months. December (especially around holiday time), which as you know I fixed this year by having our family go on vacation rather that sit alone in the mid-west and pine for the rest of our family in NYS. The other month for me that causes not blah-ness but anxiety, anger, and sometimes disgust is May. I think it is because it is a transitional month for me. School will be ending and for nine months of the year school is our focus. May means that time is coming to an end – the structure, the time I get to spend along while the kids are at school – and a new beginning with new schedules and demands, less routine, and alone-time. I also used to get very angry and frustrated in May because it is a time of recognition for the type of community volunteering I have done for the last 15 years. For a period of time, I worked so hard and never received any recognition. Once I got past wanting the recognition and realizing that I would do my volunteering regardless, May became a happier month for me. Thanks, Peg! You made some great connections for me and probably many others!

    Liked by 1 person

    • peggyricewi February 3, 2016 / 9:33 am

      I think your pictures from your vacation indicate you’re on to something to battle those December blahs! And transition months, particularly May, can be tough. Especially with all you do all year long and how little support or encouragement you get from the District! Glad to hear that May got better. And your presenting opportunities took off!

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