Getting better 

I’ve been on my increased dosage of new meds for one week, but I think I’m seeing a difference. I think they’re working! I went from tears to apathy to caring a little bit. I’d say that’s improvement.

The doctors will say that a person won’t see any progress with meds for 4-6 weeks, but I know I often respond more quickly. I think I’ve seen improvement in just 7 days. My husband thinks so too.

I’ve had a busy week with work and the start of Bible study, and I managed it all well. I “put myself out there” at Bible study, initiating some conversations and welcoming others. I went to a friend’s Open House. I had another friend over for breakfast and socializing. I struck up a conversation with a stranger. I’m reaching out, and that’s a definite improvement over the isolation that depression brings.

I don’t see my new therapist for another week and a half, but I scheduled a distance-therapy session with my old therapist for Monday. I’m really looking forward to that. And there’s another improvement – looking forward to something.

When I’m in the midst of depression, it feels like it “will always be this way.” And that’s a very familiar feeling, like a comfortable sweater which I can wrap around me and cozy into. There’s no real desire to get better, because the illness feels familiar, and it’s easy. Getting better requires an effort. And effort takes energy, which I don’t have when I’m depressed. It takes energy to get out of bed, to shower, to care about the day. It takes lots of energy to engage in conversation, to be interested in what another person is sharing. It’s easier to isolate, to stay home in silence. To listen to sad music or nothing at all. To sleep and hide away from the day and its demands. To refuse invitations, to be alone. Those are all features of depression in my life.

But it’s worth the effort. It’s good to reach out, toward wellness. I’m a more complete person when I’m mentally healthy. I’m more interesting, and certainly more interested in others. I care about them, which is my real nature. Depression steals the real me away, and makes it seem like it’s ok. But it’s better to be the real me, to be invested in others, to pray for them and care about them and want to be with them.

I’m thanking God for these small improvements, knowing they will lead to bigger ones. Thanking God for medications. For my psych doctor who cares and keeps track of me. For friends who reach out to me even when I’m less than myself. For my husband who stands with me through mental illness and health. To Jesus, for understanding and loving me anyway.

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9 thoughts on “Getting better 

  1. Mary Bartos September 16, 2017 / 1:09 pm

    AMEN! Amen.
    Blessings,

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jane September 16, 2017 / 2:16 am

    So good to hear this news! PTL! Will continue to pray for that improvement. Looking forward to our next chat. ? Tuesday?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Amy Meyer September 15, 2017 / 9:18 pm

    This makes my heart so happy! Rejoicing with you friend! Beautifully written- honest and hopeful! May the joy of the Lord continue to be your strength even when you don’t feel it! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. DeniseBalog September 15, 2017 / 9:01 pm

    Your post and heart are so touching. Stretching forth to be in Bible study is awesome. Stay in the Word, His love will lead you out of this darkness into His glorious Truth and Light!! You are loved and darkness is not of Him. God bless you and prayers for your healing in Jesus Name!

    Liked by 1 person

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