Out of Sorts

Friday – what a weird day after a long week. I feel discombobulated today – out of sorts. Perhaps a culmination of the past few days.

Saw my psych doc on Monday – my emotional scale scored better than last month’s, so that’s good. I’m pretty stable in the psych world, so don’t need to see him for two months. That’s progress.

Feeling frumpy: saw an ear-nose-throat doc and audiologist on Tuesday – 40+% hearing loss in each ear – prime candidate for hearing aids. I’m only 54 years old! Have gained 5 pounds so my clothes don’t fit right. Can’t read anything without my glasses on. Feeling sorry for myself. Need to figure out how to accept these changes and move on without discouragement. As I’ve said before (last time with humor:) – getting older isn’t for sissies! Paul talks about being content in all circumstances (Philippians 4:11) – not until today did I consider that might include ageing.

Got a haircut on Wednesday, but she didn’t listen and cut where I told her not to. Makes me miss Susie, who did my hair almost perfectly for 12+ years!

Had a good lunch with women from Book Club on Thursday – nice to be included. Took a relaxing nap during the afternoon thunderstorm. Reading a fantastic book for next month’s Book Club – I’m devouring The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah. Have had the book for 24 hours and am already on chapter 17!

Today is a lovely sunny day, but for some reason, it’s causing me to miss my Fort Myers house and pool and beach time. Sitting outside on my porch in Virginia is just not the same as on the lanai in Florida.

Leg pain has greatly abated – only hurts when I turn a certain way. So I won’t turn that direction! So glad to finally have relief, after weeks of severe pain.

Several friends going through really tough times. Have prayed hard for others all week, which is as it should be. Still, only one success story from them all – feels discouraging. So much pain and difficulty, and I am helpless to do anything. But praying is doing something – it’s allowing God to work. You go, God!

Missing my kids, my old friends. As always.

Need to remind myself that days like this happen to everyone. Just a funk. A week of ups and downs.

Tomorrow is Saturday – a lazy day, but includes dinner out with my husband to celebrate Mother’s Day. Then a new week. Glad this one is over soon.

Advertisements

Recent weekend adventures

So in an effort to live here now, my husband and I are taking in the local and not-so-local scenery.

Last weekend, we enjoyed people watching at the Shenandoah Wine and Jazz Festival at the Frontier Cultural Museum.  It was a hot day in the sun, but we found some wonderful shade, enjoyed a sangria and beer and some blues vocals. The Museum is an interesting place, too. Shows homes of the original settlers, their homes from their country of origin, not necessarily their homes here. We liked walking around and seeing the homesteads, and chatting with a young girl in Irish costume on the Irish Farm.

This weekend, we drove several hours to Colonial Williamsburg and walked the streets. It was very hot, but we saw some cool stuff. And it was amazing to be in a part of our country that is so historical. We also went to Jamestown and checked out the Fort and ships similar to those that landed here with the original settlers. Such small quarters for such a long passage! The Museum was very interesting, as it tracked Jamestown from the early 1600s, with the Powhatan Native American culture through colonization, and compared life in early America to England and even Africa.

We left the Fort and found an American bistro where we drank refreshing white wine and ate caprese salad, then stayed overnight in Williamsburg and got up early to drive an hour to Virginia Beach – got there around 9am before the crowds came. We sat on the part of the beach where the surfers were – that was fun to watch! The water was refreshingly cool, and we stayed for several hours. My oh my, the beach filled up! It was really crowded by the time we left. Probably typical for East Coast beaches, with their large populations nearby. Not what we were used to – the Florida beaches where we lived had more room.

Lots of folks standing in the surf.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today, the 4th of July, will be low-key. We’ll grill out for dinner and maybe watch a movie. Just enjoying the present.

Connecting to the beach

Connecting to the beach…

We have to cross the boardwalk.

I want to walk barefoot, but usually have to wear sandals to protect the soles of my feet on the heated wood. Once we get to that beach, I kick them off and sink my toes into the sand. We trudge through the broken shells to the best spot for the next couple of hours, set up our chairs, and head into the water to cool off. Then I sit mindfully and listen to the sound of the waves as they come up on the shore.  After a while, we walk along the edge of the water and find unbroken shells for our ever-growing collection back home.

The beach is my favorite part of living in Florida.

 

Water scene

I’ve lived in Florida for a year, and have lots of different water pictures. Of sunsets on the beach, and shore birds, and cloud formations and thunderstorms and even our community pool with it’s refreshing fountains.

But I like this one. I can almost hear the water lapping at the shoreline.

shell shelf
shell shelf

Being Motivated to Stay Motivated

I’ve recently written about steps I can take to keep myself emotionally healthy, and my goals for doing what is necessary. But I’m finding it hard to be self-disciplined, hard to do the things I’m supposed to be doing for good mental health. When I’m not accountable to anyone but myself, where is the motivation to do what I should? In keeping with recent posts, am I putting the pieces in place to stay healthy, the tools that will keep depression away? If I’m not, why not?

I’m thinking about this because I had a blood draw today, and a followup appointment to discuss results next Friday. I’m nervous about the results – the numbers were headed in the right direction last time, but it’s important that motion has continued, and I have no idea what to expect. I need better cholesterol numbers, while keeping my blood pressure and sugars where they were 3 months ago, or even improved. My weight has gone up and down during the time passed, and I believe that changes in my medication may have had an impact – I’ll know next week.

But I can’t blame my meds when I’m not being as proactive as I should. I have reduced my sugar intake, but it’s only recently that I’m really paying attention to food labels. I’m still not exercising, hardly even a little. This is ridiculous, since I live in a beautiful paradise where I can take a walk in the sunshine nearly every day. I could walk to the workout room or pool, or drive to the beach and take a long walk in the waves.

My writing would benefit from some self-discipline. Perhaps a schedule – for daily practice, for blogging, even for my personal journaling. Certainly some discipline of regular writing if I want to be working on a book!

My efforts to reach out to others is good but could improve.  I’ve wondered if I should have said “yes” to that job all those months ago. The answer of “no” was still the right decision, but at least a job would have put me in other people’s lives regularly. Instead, I can stay at home if I want to – don’t have to leave the house if I don’t feel like it. So I’m trying to build in regular commitments:  lunch dates with friends, a Tuesday Bible Study group, a weekly school prayer group that I rarely miss. The neighborhood friendship and prayer group restarted – I’ve attended two out of three times.

And I’m contributing at home, which is easy to do since we’ve become empty nesters and only have one pet. This was much more difficult with two kids, two cats and a dog! I keep house, take care of errands and make the space a respite for my husband and me at the end of his work days.

I’m building my own personal growth by reading about writing and knitting a blanket for the living room (the largest yarn project I’ve ever undertaken). I’m finding both of these things fun and fulfilling, and they stretch me a little.

But some days, on days I chose to not go anywhere, I wonder if I’m doing enough. I know women who do way more than I do in a day, certainly in a week. Working moms especially! It’s easy to write blogs about what I should be doing, harder to follow through in real life. Am I just lazy? I don’t like to think so – I think it’s part of my mental health need to keep “space” in my life, to not do too much. Still I judge myself.

God’s Word says that Jesus has given us everything we need to live a life that pleases God by getting to know Jesus in increasing measure (2 Peter 1:3). Am I living in a way that pleases God? When I have my daily quiet time, when I start by focusing on who He is and when I commit my day to Him, I can trust that I am doing what He has called me to, and perhaps I don’t need to question these things.

It’s always about priorities and obedience – letting God put order to my hours and then doing what He wants me to each day. He wants me to take good care of my body, to get exercise, to reach out to others and share Him, to care for my family. I can remember to ask Him for motivation and self-discipline, and then obey Him when I see He’s given me the time to do it.