Wanted: Christian Counselor

I’m in need of a Christian therapist.

It’s been over two months since my final appointment with my therapist in Virginia. Since then, I’ve been busy making the move to Colorado and finding grocery stores, the Post Office and the library. I’ve met women at Moms In Prayer and a knitting club. I’ve gone out with new friends for drinks and visited with my son and his girlfriend. So I’ve kept busy.

I’m doing pretty well in making contacts. I’ve found the person to cut my hair. I have a doctor’s appointment at the end of this month, and I’ll get a referral for a psychiatrist to manage my meds with me. I have the names of audiologists for my hearing aids. I don’t need a dentist for five more months, and there’s no need for an optometrist. But I need a mental health therapist.

I’m worried that my depression will return within the next few months. I want to get to know him/her before such a thing happens. I felt a little funky yesterday, and it made me realize that I need someone to talk to, who will help me with these feelings and anticipations.

I know that I really benefit from having a mental health counselor to help me process my thoughts and emotions. It’s great to share with my husband and friends, but I really thrive if I have the professional on my team. And I want this person to see me mentally healthy, not just in crisis.

It’s important to me that s/he have a personal faith in Christ, as that is a huge part of who I am. I often need help differentiating between depression and spiritual battles, so someone who understands who Jesus is to me is critical.

I’ve got the name of one person, and she’s in my medical network. So perhaps I should just schedule with her, and see if we’re a good fit. I gotta start somewhere!

Pictures of Our Apartment

We made it! It took several days, but we got here a week ago. Our furniture arrived two days later. Stuffed the storage unit, but the apartment feels comfortable.

The back of the car is holding all the boxes – need to fit those in the storage unit somehow!

It was 70 degrees and sunny two days ago, but today is our second snowfall in a week.

Seems like this could be a bigger storm – supposed to snow on and off for the next couple of days, after it takes a break this afternoon. What a fine time for my hubby to travel to Mexico! Still, at least I don’t have to shovel.

Didn’t get to a church yesterday😕. Drove hubby to Denver airport instead – snow was already starting up there, so drive was slow-going. Son and his girlfriend came over last night and we all made dinner – fun to be living near him!

I think I’m going to like living here in Colorado. It feels a little like we’re on vacation, but I’m sure that will settle down as time goes by, and it will feel more like home instead of holiday.

The cats are adjusting to apartment life. They discovered the top of the cabinets!

Today, they’re each sleeping curled up and staying warm, including one who crawled up under the covers. I wonder if they’re responding to all the snow?!

As the saying goes, “So there you have it!” Blogging from my new home in Colorado Springs. Not so much Spring today, though. I think I’ll curl up like the cats and take a nap!

Moving Again

We’re moving to Colorado Springs, CO, in four weeks. I’m so excited!

When my husband and I were first married, we lived in Utah. We fell in love with the wide sky, the craggy mountains, the desert climate. We’ve always said that we’d like to retire to the West.

My husband’s new job allows him to work remotely, so now seems like a good time to relocate. We’ll be near an airport so he can travel when work requires it. We’ll be near the mountains. We’ll enjoy the out-of-doors lifestyle: biking, hiking, camping.

I admit that I feel a little “unqualified” to live in Colorado. I’m not in shape, by any means. And Colorado is known to be a place of fit and healthy people. I weigh more now than I ever have in my life, and I’m embarrassed by that. I’m hoping that I’ll get moving on the trails and paths, and start to lose weight or at least get fit and healthy. (So why didn’t I do that here? In these mountains of the Shenandoah? I have no idea.)

I’m looking forward to being back in the Rocky Mountains. To explore and discover a new city. To make new friends, find a new church, maybe begin a new Fresh Hope group.

I’m nervous, too. Starting over is hard, and it’s all on us to make friends. There are no work companions to get to know, no child’s parents to connect with. Its up to us to “make it happen.” I realize that several of my stressors will be triggered, and I’ll need to be careful to not succumb to depression’s call if it makes an appearance.

My son lives in CO Springs, and I’m excited to be near him. Of course, he’s in his early 20s, so I don’t expect that he’ll necessarily stay in the area – he’s young and adventurous and may decide to explore the country with his job. But it will be fun while it lasts!

I like the look of the apartment complex where we’re going to start out, but I’m looking forward to finding our forever-home. I’m hoping it will be a place where my husband and I can grow old together. I don’t want to move yet again; I really want this to be the last time!

House for sale

My old house in WI is for sale again. I think this is by the people who bought it from us four years ago.

Friends told us, then we found it listed on Zillow. The advantage there is that we could see the MLS pictures.

Wow. That was hard. Everything was different.

New paint colors. I mean, every wall in that five bedroom house had been repainted. The vaulted living room wall. The cozy family room. The tall kitchen. Every bedroom.

New flooring. Beautiful wood kitchen cabinets – painted! A new walk-in closet, though I can’t quite figure out which room that is.

A workout room in the old hobby room. A study where my son’s bedroom used to be.

Each bedroom reconfigured. Strange large paintings on the walls. New bathroom fixtures and shower curtains.

Everything that could be changed… was.

They really made it their own. And erased us in the process.

I was surprised by how sad I felt.

Why would I have that emotional response? I mean, it wasn’t my house anymore. We sold it to another family. And they made it their own.

Maybe it just felt like the end of something. Not that we can ever go back in time, nor should we. Life moves forward.

But change is hard. And this was hard evidence of change.

The evergreens in the backyard had been replaced. There was a trampoline near the gardens.

It had all been redone.

Have I been redone? Am I different than I was four years ago? Yes. “Time marches on.”

And so part of me still grieves the move from WI, all these years later. It was the end of an era, of parenting kids at home. The start of our empty nest. Life with just the two of us now. First in FL, now in VA. What would make me think that WI would stay the same? We didn’t.

Not depressed

I haven’t been depressed for a while. But I said it out loud today. “I’m not depressed.”

The move to Virginia certainly brought up feelings like depression – loneliness, fatigue, a little hopelessness. For me, that’s different from depression, which is lots of hopelessness.  But the transition of moving was hard, like a mild depression without all the full-on depression characteristics. I wondered if the feelings would intensify and change to depression. I think I lived with some fear that it would come back due to the move.

But today, in my psychiatrist’s office, I told him that I’m not depressed.

We’re going to reduce one of my meds, which makes me a little nervous, because it’s the med that brought me out of depression in the first place. But it has a weird side-effect – chewing. I chew my teeth together all the time; I’m grinding my teeth all day. In an effort to keep this from becoming a permanent motion, we’re cutting that anti-depressant in half. I’m a little nervous about it, about the depression returning without the full medication to keep it at bay. But I think I’m in a better place emotionally, and so I’m willing to give the reduction a try.

It’s nice to not be depressed. My days are full of light, not grayness.  I can hear when birds chirp – the finches found my feeder, and seeing them flit around gives me a brief joy. I don’t dread each day, which I had been doing after the move here. I have energy, and am seriously considering adding exercise back into my routine. This was never a workable plan when I was depressed: I knew I should exercise, but couldn’t work up the energy to do it. I still probably sleep too much – I nap almost every day because I have nothing better to do. But I’m sleeping well at night, so I’m not worried about it – I’m napping from boredom, not depression.  I’m eating and sleeping well. I look forward to seeing people. Looking forward – that’s not depression.

I still have brief bouts of sadness or anxiety, but can usually recover pretty quickly with prayer. Getting my eyes off myself and back onto the Lord – who He is, how He sees me and loves me – eases those emotions. When I was depressed, I couldn’t lift my eyes from my misery, and sure couldn’t see God in it.  I had to trust He was there, because I didn’t feel Him at all.  I depended on the truths I knew from Scripture about God’s goodness, because I didn’t sense it, didn’t believe it with my emotions. I had great friends reminding me of His presence and companionship, His faithfulness and care. That’s the emptiness of depression – so self-focused that I was unable to see God with me. Those negative emotions have lessened. Now it’s just occasional – normal – feelings.

It’s nice to feel normal.